Funny Life Quotes

Here are some humorous quotes on the topics of life and ageing:

“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”

George Burns

“When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra.”

Will Rogers

“There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.”

P.G. Wodehouse

“I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”

Rodney Dangerfield

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘“At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.”

Claude Pepper

“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

Bob Hope

“So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.”

George Carlin

“I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to.”

Albert Einstein

“The more candles on my cake, the more exercise I get blowing them out.”

Donna Lynn Hope

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

Mark Twain

“Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.”

John Wagner

“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”

Norman Wisdom

“The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.”

Jerry M. Wright.

“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.”

Truman Capote

“Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.”

Jim Fiebig

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying”

Woody Allen

“Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty.”

Joan Rivers

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